FIGHTING THE DEMONS

A friend of mine said to me recently, “You have been cycling through this pattern allot recently. You might want to consider a little round of anti-depressants to get on the other side of this.”

I was stunned. And then another tremor of shock went through me as I took a moment to consider how desirable that felt.  Oh, to take a pill and make my life easier. I barely listened as she told me her doctor’s philosophy that our brain synapsis can get off kilter and begin turning left when they should turn right, making connections that are not healthy for our organism ~ and by taking a round of anti-depressants, a person could break the pattern and get back to being their old self. 

My mind, adopting the adage “Inquiring Minds Want to KNOW,” wondered what would cause the brain to get off course in the first place.  My “Wise Woman” training believes that if we cover up  and placate the symptoms, instead of looking at and relating to the malady ~ we stand the chance of driving the dis-ease deeper into our bodies, only to surface again, later, and typically stronger than the first round.  By taking the time to look at it first, we can save time and can promote wholistic healing. 

Her observation had been a response to my statement that I had spent the afternoon “fighting my demons.” For the most part, my demons are the limiting beliefs that take me away from, or rob me of my joy.  They are not new.  (1) I never have enough time. (2) The balance I seek eludes me. (3) I concentrate more on what feeds my pocketbook than what feeds my soul. 

And the one thing I know for sure; ignoring them does not make them go away.  There are times when I address them, have a real conversation, and they diminish slightly allowing me to move forward in my day. But they have yet to disappear. However tempting, slicing them to ribbons with a mighty sword is not the solution.  So I remain optimistic that there is an answer that will satisfy both the "demon" and my “self.”

Besides, do I really want to be my old self?  A mood-elevating pill might be reasonable … but for now I am going to stay in the observation mode. Becoming the “detached witness” that so many of my teachers have talked about. Realizing that putting oneself under the microscope can sometimes be disturbing. Moving beyond old and into a new way of being is my ultimate goal. 

I choose to have an awareness ~ an allowing ~ of my “demon self.” After all, we we share the same space. 
And I am the one, with consistent help from my angels, in charge of how large the microscope is.
In gratitude I realize that every day I have more moments of pure joy than the day before.  And if I don’t?  I will just start again tomorrow.
Anyway, I have to put down my sword to pick up a cup of Tension Tamer tea. 

MY FATHER

My father lies on white satin
body stiff and silent
eyes eternally closed
lips forever rouged.

Before that...
    his body became more transparent
    with every passing week.
    His words often rambling
    making sense only to him
    only adding to his confusion.

Before that...
 His eyes, sparkling with mischief,
 threatening to trip when he walked me down the aisle.
 And I, not  totally sure that he would not
 had one more thing to wonder about that day.

And before that...
 He stood at his work bench
 creating a pair of wooden stilts for
 his children to play with ~ happy to hoist our bodies
 to travel high above the ground.

And before that...
  His fathers only son,
 body tall and thin,
 a horse trainer in his own right
 riding the Missouri hills on a handsome black pony
 Ever dreaming of his future
 ... possibly even, of me.

<<< This piece is dedicated to my dear brother-in-law whose own father recently made his transition to the next journey. >>>>

3rd Annual Equine Gestalt Coaching Method Summit 2013

This event was held on September 20, 21, 22 in spite of the fact that Boulder County, including Lil Bit North Ranch - home of the Touched By a Horse program - had suffered through a flood of “Biblical proportions” just one week earlier.  Access roads into Boulder County were just beginning to open up, but every one managed to make it in and the event was a HUGE success.  Melisa Pearce and her staff did a superb job and the program ran smoothly and efficiently.

For me, introducing our new anthology, Touched Buy a Horse; Equine Coaching Stories, Edited by Melisa Pearce, was an incredible highlight. As assistant editor, I am fantastically proud of this book which includes stories and poetry by 21 different authors. The theme was to describe what equine gestalt coaching looks like, how it has affected us personally, and what our healing herds of horses are offering as our loyal partners in this venture. This book is going to make a BIG difference in helping people understand what we have to offer in the expanding genre of personal coaching! Trust me, you are going to want to read this book!

Our keynote speaker was Larry Freeborg, a pioneer in the development of equine-guided groups such as EGEA (Equine Guided Education Association) and EAHAE (European Association for Horse Assisted Education) and has followed the development of the Horse Assisted industry for the last decade. I was lucky enough to catch his talk every day; he is highly intelligent, thorough in his history of this fast growing business, and spoke on planning and business development topics for professional coaches that were important to everyone.

Other Speakers included: Kimberly Beer, professional photographer, graphic designer and Platinum Solution Provider for Constant Contact.  Melanie Mulhall, an award winning author, writing coach and served as primary editor on our new anthology. James Fitzpatrick III, CPA, had the dubious honor of speaking to us about financial planning first thing after lunch on Saturday. He rose to the occasion and gave a wonderful presentation. And on our final Sunday, Mark Guynn, of Guynn Training Center, gave a riding demonstration of Melisa’s three year old Gypsy Vanner horse, Rua Prionsa’s ("Pri") debut under saddle. It was a beautiful thing to watch!

 

 

 

Expressions – Part 9

HOW CAN THIS BE?
IS THIS FOR REAL ????
ARE YOU NUTS ?????

How do we ever know healing works? 
You take a couple of aspirin for a really bad head ache. Time goes by and you suddenly realize that your head ache is gone and you feel better.  That is good medicine.

You walk into a round pen with a thousand pound animal. They gaze into your eyes, they do a body scan from top to bottom and place their forehead on your chest and breathe deeply, or offer to walk with you as you explore a new way of being, and when you walk out of the arena you feel better. That is good medicine. End of story; happy ending to the story actually!

According to Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, “Empiricism is a theory of knowledge that asserts that knowledge comes only or primarily from sensory experience.”  Empirical knowledge,  that which is gained from my own experience or those of my peers, has always meant more to me than any scientific paper or book leaning.  I suppose it is true, I only appreciate science when it finally realizes and acknowledges something that I “knew” was true all along. < I honor science but it is not my #1 guide to explaining my life exeperiences. >

I have not spent hours perusing the internet looking for factual data to back up my belief that horses have the ability to heal humans. But I know that I am not alone in this belief.  At this point in time Wikipedia does not have an offering for this topic.  However, if you search the internet for “healing with horses” you can find many, many websites and advertisements, so we humans know that it is happening. Science is not interested in us yet, but when it is, we will have the experiences and the stories to offer.

What is vitally important to me is I finally found a way that I can bring this knowledge to my fellow humans, walking beside my horse. Through equine gestalt coaching, I can partner with horses to holistically heal the many ills of the body/mind/spirit that we two-legged’s suffer with/from. My dear friend Patricia once said, “If every person on the earth was a healer, we would still have lots to do.” I am not totally sure what she meant, but I “know” it is true.

When I watch a horse stretch its neck forward in an extended yawn, I say “thank you.”  For there is a very good chance they have just extended their healing hoof to me and removed negative energy.  And I am appreciative.

 

Here is a picture of my two little donkeys who very much wanted to be a part of this report.                      
Just looking at them may make you feel better.          
We hope so!

 

 

 

 

 

BB Harding and I are offering a one day retreat at Dragonfly Farm in Platteville, Colorado. 

We have a fun filled day of playful exploration.

Come on out and join us!

How to be a Better Human 101 ... cont... again ....

In the past I have jokingly described my spiritual journey as “How to be a Better Human 101”, placing myself in the freshman class with wide-eyed enthusiasm and an unchecked willingness to experience it all. My goal with every semester is to discern the teachings and assimilate universal wisdom.

For the past two years I have decided to up the ante; sometimes advancing with baby steps, sometimes falling on my bum, but encouraged by the brilliant rays of understanding that sometimes break through the clouds.  My teachers are the horses and those two-legged beings that speak through them, to them and with them.  Completing Melisa Pearce’s program, EGCM, Equine Gestalt Coaching Method was a dream come true; it has been nothing short of amazing.  

My self-study curriculum remains challenging, as on-going lessons should, with several mid-course corrections required, and I ride the roller coaster of accomplishment, failure, self-doubt and joy with utter amazement.  This past week-end’s training with Anna Twinney (Reach Out to Horses) was HUGE.  Surrounded once again by humans and horses I stepped into the arena. 

"I want to open you up.” Anna’s words are still ringing in my ears.  I have a very uncomfortable vision of an old fashioned manual can opener lying beside a tin of sardines, split open via a ragged wound, sharp and possibly dangerous. Worth diving into if you happen to like sardines, but proceed with caution, it is to be handled with care.

This Monday morning I take stock.

Physically, I am beat up, things hurt when I move, a temporary un-comfort-able-ness.

Spiritually, I am standing at yet another precipice, wondering how to get across.

Mentally, I know that we have stood in front of different obstacles before and have eventually figured them out. I take comfort in the absolute knowledge that I have tremendous teachers, marvelous mentors and friendly faces to guide me, stand beside me, and encourage me.

The horses stand out in their pasture, absolutely aware while appearing to dream contentedly in their own little world. But as every thing in the universe is connected, we too are connected. They accept their day, knowing that this journey is my own, but still mindful of my progress.

It will be what it will be. I am not sure where we are going but excited for the journey to unfold.

The Day After MAD-ness.

Since I wrote you of the MAD-ness of Friday, I feel compelled to write of yesterday, Saturday, the last day of 2011. I followed my heart all day:  writing, dusting my house, playing with plants – cleaning and pruning, made phone calls to friends and family, played my flute and drummed new life back into my re-born drum, and thusly back into me. I chose NOT to do any real estate work.  Walking from room to room, I paid homage to the totems purposefully arranged in the middle of the floor, an altar of sorts.

I almost went in and removed yesterday mornings blog. I logged in and sat poised to erase it, and in the end I did edit out a few sentences that I could no longer resonate with.  Shit happens. Sometimes I get pitched into the muck. It is not pretty. It is not comfortable. It is what happens next that is important.

I decided not to go out, but instead to stay in and enjoy the newly shiny surfaces of my home. After the sun went down I made a scrumptious tray of good, fun, and pretty foods and snuggled under my fuzzy blanket to watch movies rented from the library. I poured a glass of handmade Cherry Cordial, a Christmas gift that tasted as delicious as it sounds!  I heard the fireworks and looked up, surprised to note that I had witnessed the first moments of a new year.  I had to move my cat, Magic, who was stretched full out on my tummy, to check on the horses who are not all fond of fireworks and then I settled down for a quiet ritual. Friday I let loose volley after volley of four letter words ~ but now I reflected for a moment on two   “three- letter” words:  JOY versus MAD.   

Friday I allowed myself to plunge into despair and anger in a big way. I will not forget what that felt like. I will hold it to contrast all the good days against.  I know on many levels that the choice is always mine, whether to live in MAD (fear) or in JOY (Love).  I KNOW that. But some days are easy and some days just test the very mettle of all I am striving to be.  Thusly i can practice the JOY of Forgiveness.  The act of forgiving my SELF. That is what I will remember.  JOY shall win out.