It feels like I have been in a receiving mode …. a place of “taking in” … but I understand … it is also an inability to “put out”. I am content to read, so many good books, and have read morning, noon and night. Taking in the words, other people’s lives, even the made-up ones, tranquilized by their life situations. I listen to inspirational CD’s on those nights when I cannot sleep or those dark mornings when I desire a few more hours of respite ... and then wake up later with headphones pressed into my cheek. I have sat with rented movies and dissolved into their premise letting them flavor my own life. I have accomplished the “have to’s” and even a few of the “should’s”, but even as I think about writing some little incident, I cannot muster the strength.
And amazingly enough, I have allowed myself to indulge in this place for weeks with very little recrimination.
But I am growing now uncomfortable. I have flyers to create, I have workshops to fill, I have new people to meet and the ideas that have been percolating are ready for more. And I have so many ideas!! It is time … to gather up all the little pieces of paper that have accumulated on my table tops … to review my moments of inspiration penned so quickly.
I am heading home for my mother’s birthday and these ideas need to be birthed so that I will fit better, comfortably, in the seat of my transport.It was not a cocoon and I don’t feel like a butterfly. I lay in bed this morning as the warm glow promises a pretty day and drank a cup of lovely coffee. I read my story and the many other stories printed in a new book, Red Silk, a Red Tent Anthology. I am thrilled to hold it in my hand, to see the printed words, some of them are mine! I am inspired. I am ready. And I do have so many ideas!!