Sunday, December 23, 2012
The day after the day the world might end seemed like an auspicious day for our Burning Bowl Ceremony. Fire is a catalyst for change. Fire transforms. Smoke carries our vision, our signal, our prayers, to the heavens.
I have been leading this ceremony for twenty years. On this night we have come together in a circle around a beautiful alter. Everyone has brought something for the alter and we settle in to see what the evening will bring. We spend time in stillness, reviewing our life in the present, and asking ourselves questions. What is working in my life? What is not? This is a time to review and bring awareness to those things that we wish to be done with, cycles to break, limiting beliefs that no longer serve us, ideas and thought forms that we are ready to let go of. We write them down, and, one by one, will offer them to the fire.
One of the things on my list is "Letting go of any vow of poverty that I may have ever made."
Several years ago one of my teachers gave an interesting talk questioning why so many of us committed to healing ourselves and others suffered from such a lack of abundance. She told a story about how many of us had stood together as Essenes 2000 years ago. We had taken a "vow of personal poverty" to be able to live in the community. What we had belonged to everyone. It was a very powerful lifetime for many of us, inundated with personal commitment and serving as channels of peace. Okay then !?!
Well, here we are. Are we carrying a cellular memory of "poverty equals worthiness?"
Even if I did vow it then, does it serve me now? The only answer for me is “NO!”
I declared last night that I was giving up any vow of poverty that I may have made in any life time, consciously or unconsciously. I give up, now and forever, the limiting belief that there is not enough. I am now open to receive all the abundance that is coming my way and exploring new ways to move forward.
The fire plays with the words on my paper, smoke circles around my fingers, it takes its time but I am committed to reducing it to ash. I hang on, holding my breath. It will be all right.
In a healing circle that I have been a part of for the last few months, one of the women, a very successful potter, shared with us an affirmation that has been part of her business practice. We asked her to repeat it as we all wrote it down. If it resonates with you, consider it a Winter Solstice gift:
“There are plenty of clients who can afford my services. I have all the clients that I need for continuous prosperity.”
Go forth into the abundance that is waiting for you …….. In-Joy !!!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Family, family, and more family.
And my mother, and my sister, Marcia and my brother Ed.
We are blessed and I give thanks.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
at 40 – she had married Bob three days before and on her birthday she lay naked on a private beach in Big Sur, drinking champagne – her one and only nude beach experience,
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
My self-study curriculum remains challenging, as on-going lessons should, with several mid-course corrections required, and I ride the roller coaster of accomplishment, failure, self-doubt and joy with utter amazement. This past week-end’s training with Anna Twinney (Reach Out to Horses) was HUGE. Surrounded once again by humans and horses I stepped into the arena.
"I want to open you up.” Anna’s words are still ringing in my ears. I have a very uncomfortable vision of an old fashioned manual can opener lying beside a tin of sardines, split open via a ragged wound, sharp and possibly dangerous. Worth diving into if you happen to like sardines, but proceed with caution, it is to be handled with care.
The horses stand out in their pasture, absolutely aware while appearing to dream contentedly in their own little world. But as every thing in the universe is connected, we too are connected. They accept their day, knowing that this journey is my own, but still mindful of my progress.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
trimming and shaping for months; cutting away all the dead and useless branches.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
“Absolutely not” I chortled, “I would rather try and give her an enema. “ Might as well bring a bit of humor to the situation.
“If you want to call Dr. Tim I am fine with that” she said again.
“No, No, I think that I can do this. I am right here, she needs it quickly. I want to give it a try.” I hoped I sounded more confident than I felt.
I fit the needle onto the syringe and then inserted it into the rubber gasket on top of the bottle. Holding the bottle upside down with one hand I tried to pull out the plunger. Geez, why does this have to be so difficult? I felt really clumsy and it was taking a lot more strength than I thought was necessary. But I kept at it gently so I wouldn’t make a mess of anything. Humm, is the top of the plunger 10mm, or is it marked by the bottom of the grey piece. I decided more was better than less, we are talking about a big girl out there and she might spit some out.
As I walked out to the pasture I prayed to Ruthie’s angels as well as mine. “Please be with us and let this go smoothly.” I took a deep breath as Ruthie came into view. She was still laying down which is what caught my eye in the first place. I didn’t want to spook her so I did not walk straight at her, but aimed for a few feet behind her tail. It would be much easier for me if I could give her the medicine while she lying down – did I mention that she was a big girl? Oh yeah.
She raised her head and looked at me, and thought for a second about standing up, but then she didn’t. I reached out and rubbed her neck and told her I was going to give her some medicine as gently as I could. I kneeled beside her giant neck and moved slowly and deliberately, careful not to tip the syringe because I didn’t want her to get a taste of what was coming before I was ready. Her lips were clinched but I worked the tube in as far as I thought necessary and then I hit that plunger hard, probably faster than I needed to - but got the job done. I stroked her neck and thanked her for being still. She pulled back her front lip and curled her head in the air.
I stood up and moved away from her. I suddenly realized I had forgotten to put on the halter that I carried out. Oh well, we hadn’t needed it after all. I reached for my phone to call Nikki and let her know that it had gone well. Whew. We discussed what I should do for the next twenty minutes and I could hear her relief. We had both been worried that Ruthie would put up a fuss and it could have gone badly, but it didn’t. I suddenly realized that I still needed water. I walked back to the house feeling a lot better than when I walked out to the pasture. Everything is going to be fine, I just know it!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Wow, I have a new business card.
I have had a wonderful time working with Rachel and this is what she has created for me. She looked over my website, took a picture of my sweet Lakota, and, well .... i don't know how she creates her magic. Check her out:
Sunday, January 1, 2012
I almost went in and removed yesterday mornings blog. I logged in and sat poised to erase it, and in the end I did edit out a few sentences that I could no longer resonate with. Shit happens. Sometimes I get pitched into the muck. It is not pretty. It is not comfortable. It is what happens next that is important.
I decided not to go out, but instead to stay in and enjoy the newly shiny surfaces of my home. After the sun went down I made a scrumptious tray of good, fun, and pretty foods and snuggled under my fuzzy blanket to watch movies rented from the library. I poured a glass of handmade Cherry Cordial, a Christmas gift that tasted as delicious as it sounds! I heard the fireworks and looked up, surprised to note that I had witnessed the first moments of a new year. I had to move my cat, Magic, who was stretched full out on my tummy, to check on the horses who are not all fond of fireworks and then I settled down for a quiet ritual. Friday I let loose volley after volley of four letter words ~ but now I reflected for a moment on two “three- letter” words: JOY versus MAD.
Friday I allowed myself to plunge into despair and anger in a big way. I will not forget what that felt like. I will hold it to contrast all the good days against. I know on many levels that the choice is always mine, whether to live in MAD (fear) or in JOY (Love). I KNOW that. But some days are easy and some days just test the very mettle of all I am striving to be. Thusly i can practice the JOY of Forgiveness. The act of forgiving my SELF. That is what I will remember. JOY shall win out.