The Day After MAD-ness.
Since I wrote you of the MAD-ness of Friday, I feel compelled to write of yesterday, Saturday, the last day of 2011. I followed my heart all day: writing, dusting my house, playing with plants – cleaning and pruning, made phone calls to friends and family, played my flute and drummed new life back into my re-born drum, and thusly back into me. I chose NOT to do any real estate work. Walking from room to room, I paid homage to the totems purposefully arranged in the middle of the floor, an altar of sorts.
I almost went in and removed yesterday mornings blog. I logged in and sat poised to erase it, and in the end I did edit out a few sentences that I could no longer resonate with. Shit happens. Sometimes I get pitched into the muck. It is not pretty. It is not comfortable. It is what happens next that is important.
I decided not to go out, but instead to stay in and enjoy the newly shiny surfaces of my home. After the sun went down I made a scrumptious tray of good, fun, and pretty foods and snuggled under my fuzzy blanket to watch movies rented from the library. I poured a glass of handmade Cherry Cordial, a Christmas gift that tasted as delicious as it sounds! I heard the fireworks and looked up, surprised to note that I had witnessed the first moments of a new year. I had to move my cat, Magic, who was stretched full out on my tummy, to check on the horses who are not all fond of fireworks and then I settled down for a quiet ritual. Friday I let loose volley after volley of four letter words ~ but now I reflected for a moment on two “three- letter” words: JOY versus MAD.
Friday I allowed myself to plunge into despair and anger in a big way. I will not forget what that felt like. I will hold it to contrast all the good days against. I know on many levels that the choice is always mine, whether to live in MAD (fear) or in JOY (Love). I KNOW that. But some days are easy and some days just test the very mettle of all I am striving to be. Thusly i can practice the JOY of Forgiveness. The act of forgiving my SELF. That is what I will remember. JOY shall win out.
I almost went in and removed yesterday mornings blog. I logged in and sat poised to erase it, and in the end I did edit out a few sentences that I could no longer resonate with. Shit happens. Sometimes I get pitched into the muck. It is not pretty. It is not comfortable. It is what happens next that is important.
I decided not to go out, but instead to stay in and enjoy the newly shiny surfaces of my home. After the sun went down I made a scrumptious tray of good, fun, and pretty foods and snuggled under my fuzzy blanket to watch movies rented from the library. I poured a glass of handmade Cherry Cordial, a Christmas gift that tasted as delicious as it sounds! I heard the fireworks and looked up, surprised to note that I had witnessed the first moments of a new year. I had to move my cat, Magic, who was stretched full out on my tummy, to check on the horses who are not all fond of fireworks and then I settled down for a quiet ritual. Friday I let loose volley after volley of four letter words ~ but now I reflected for a moment on two “three- letter” words: JOY versus MAD.
Friday I allowed myself to plunge into despair and anger in a big way. I will not forget what that felt like. I will hold it to contrast all the good days against. I know on many levels that the choice is always mine, whether to live in MAD (fear) or in JOY (Love). I KNOW that. But some days are easy and some days just test the very mettle of all I am striving to be. Thusly i can practice the JOY of Forgiveness. The act of forgiving my SELF. That is what I will remember. JOY shall win out.
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