A friend of mine said to me recently, “You have been cycling through this pattern allot recently. You might want to consider a little round of anti-depressants to get on the other side of this.”
I was stunned. And then another tremor of shock went through me as I took a moment to consider how desirable that felt. Oh, to take a pill and make my life easier. I barely listened as she told me her doctor’s philosophy that our brain synapsis can get off kilter and begin turning left when they should turn right, making connections that are not healthy for our organism ~ and by taking a round of anti-depressants, a person could break the pattern and get back to being their old self.
My mind, adopting the adage “Inquiring Minds Want to KNOW,” wondered what would cause the brain to get off course in the first place. My “Wise Woman” training believes that if we cover up and placate the symptoms, instead of looking at and relating to the malady ~ we stand the chance of driving the dis-ease deeper into our bodies, only to surface again, later, and typically stronger than the first round. By taking the time to look at it first, we can save time and can promote wholistic healing.
Her observation had been a response to my statement that I had spent the afternoon “fighting my demons.” For the most part, my demons are the limiting beliefs that take me away from, or rob me of my joy. They are not new. (1) I never have enough time. (2) The balance I seek eludes me. (3) I concentrate more on what feeds my pocketbook than what feeds my soul.
And the one thing I know for sure; ignoring them does not make them go away. There are times when I address them, have a real conversation, and they diminish slightly allowing me to move forward in my day. But they have yet to disappear. However tempting, slicing them to ribbons with a mighty sword is not the solution. So I remain optimistic that there is an answer that will satisfy both the "demon" and my “self.”
Besides, do I really want to be my old self? A mood-elevating pill might be reasonable … but for now I am going to stay in the observation mode. Becoming the “detached witness” that so many of my teachers have talked about. Realizing that putting oneself under the microscope can sometimes be disturbing. Moving beyond old and into a new way of being is my ultimate goal.
I choose to have an awareness ~ an allowing ~ of my “demon self.” After all, we we share the same space.
And I am the one, with consistent help from my angels, in charge of how large the microscope is.
In gratitude I realize that every day I have more moments of pure joy than the day before. And if I don’t? I will just start again tomorrow.
Anyway, I have to put down my sword to pick up a cup of Tension Tamer tea.